Check out artist David Browning’s sweet paper art Nikes. Finally, some Nikes not made in China!

HAHAHAH LOL ROFL LOLCATS LMAO LCHAIRMANMAO.  Ha.

It makes you wonder if the South Park creators aren’t actually followers of fashion after all.

Kinda makes me wish that I could select these characters like some kind of hip hop RPG.

>>Kanye West

Class: Mogul

Hit Points: 6 Million

Attributes: Protection from Criticism.  Does double damage against Gangsta Rappers.  Weak against sea creatures.

>>Fonzworth Bentley

Class: Fop

Hit Points: 50

Attributes: Bonus against Wackness.

Special Spells: Ludicrous Names, Firaga

>>That Vaguely Asian Guy (is that a toupee?)

Class: Long Duk Dong

Hit Points: Pi (Rounded to thousandth)

Attributes: Adding VAG to your party increases Accountancy +5, grants Rainbow Coalition bonus

This website is awesome. Unfortunately, it has totally negated the need for this website’s existence. It was a good run y’all.

http://www.latfh.com/

GOOD EVENING.  So continuing with last week’s post, I feel I must relate my general impressions of New York’s style.  Mind you a few things:

1) I’ve only been to New York twice.

2) Both times I nearly died from hypothermia.  Am I using hyperbole?  No.  In this case it would be hypobole!

Ah.  That was an excellent pun.  Cheers.

Indeed.

Anyways, granting me the above indulgences, I feel I must forward a few generalizations on the state of Style in Gotham.  I feel a list coming on.

1) It is true that everyone wears black, or at least earth tones.  There is no easier way to declare yourself a tourist than to don that bright red and orange Burton snowboarding jacket.  Indeed, Times Square sometimes looks like a ski resort’s deck, so engorged it is with the polychromatic insulation of outsiders.

2) I would hesitate to describe New York as stylish, at least as far as how I would define it.  It is true, people there are more polished, and the term metrosexual*almost certainly originated in Manhattan.  The men certainly take a sort of pride in their appearance, and the trappings of class and wealth are displayed, albeit in a subdued level compared to the Left Coast.  Rather than say, a spinnah necklace, one would be more likely to sport a fine manicure, subtle hair product, and elegant dress shoes, which leads me to my next observation.

3) Dress shoes are certainly worn with greater pride there than other locales.  They are paired as frequently with jeans as with suits, sometimes more so.  Which leads me to my fourth point.

4) The New York (winter) uniform consists of slim, tailored jeans; fresh dress shoes; earthy scarf, slick leather gloves, and fitted overcoat.  Toggle coats seem to be particularly popular:

A winter uniform requires no head. Yes, I know he isn't wearing dress shoes, but you get my point.

New York, being that much closer to Europe, is that much closer to European sensibilities.  Being more accustomed to the granola grunge of the San Francisco Bay Area, New York’s chic is refreshing, if ultimately unsatisfying at times.  Indeed, the best-dressed gentlemen I saw in New York were not New Yorkers at all:

A group of Japanese tourists were walking around the Lower East Side, apparently looking for some place to take pictures.  I would have arranged to take a better picture but they insisted on speaking Japanese, so the above shot is the best I could do and I fear it does not do them justice.  Rest assured, it was quite interesting.  And even though one of them is wearing orange and thus was advertising his non-New Yorkness, in this case that is a good thing.

*the term metrosexual disgusts me.  I feel it is somehow offensive.  It certainly offends my spell checker, and if a man cannot trust his spell check, why next he may be doing away with his thesaurus!

It has come to my attention that in order to garner a larger Readership, I should report on things topical and tropical, at least at first. Indeed, it is just as well. For here, I may espouse to you, Dear Reader, the merits and practices of that fine high dress code, black tie.

First, it should be noted that neck ties seem to be as acceptable for evening wear as bowties. It is just as well, and really makes no difference to me. Better to self-tie a field scarf, as the devil-dogs call them, than to wear a pre-tied bowtie; one might as well wear a choker. But please, Gentlemen, observe good practices in tying the knot.

Mr. Baldwin seems sober enough, which is all I suppose we can ask from those in his Clan, but notice that he has decided to wear the regrettable four-in-hand. Terrible indeed. It’s asymmetry calls to mind some misshapen knotting which would indeed prevent a young adolescent from receiving his merit badge. And we all know what that means. Also, Mr. Baldwin seems to have neglected to wear collar stays, and thusly his collar has collapsed against the weight of gravity and jowl.

Mr. Brokaw seems to have gotten the memo from Mystery.

Use those negs, Brokaw.

Velvet is unbecoming a man of his stature and prestige. Give him an ascot and he would give Christopher Walken a nightmare.

Then there are these young upstarts:

Certainly they weather the velvet better, but just because you can does not mean you should.

But all hope is not lost in Tinselton.

Oh. Hello.

Understated. Dignified. Proportional. Such are the marks of a man ready for to receive and give recognition. Black tie is an exercise in tones, and the right amounts of black accented with white can make all the difference. Note also his symmetrical tie knot.

I didn’t see you come in. I was just doing the usual sorts of things, seeing to the garden, oiling my bicycle, brushing my wool coats, downloading iPhone apps, and I must have gotten caught up. You know how these things are.

I’m glad you’ve come. Actually I was expecting you, believe it or not. Have a seat. Oh, not there. Here. Indeed, it is a very fine ottoman. Ikea, you know. Holds equally well Wellingtons and Star Wars: The New Republic novels.

Take a look around. Let us get down to business soon, though. We are here to talk about the sorry state of style. Atrocious, I agree. You agree? Of course you do, why would you have come otherwise? I hope in the coming months and years that you and I will have many a deep conversations about the topic of style, and that I may impart my humble opinions on the matter. Certainly, I do not mean this to be a lecture, from on high sartorial pulpit. I expect, no impugn you to add to this dialogue. A trip alone is for business, a trip with company is a journey.

No, I didn’t just make up that last phrase. Fine, Google it. See if I care. Oh crumb.

Well, it is getting late and I suppose I should get back to my ship in a bottle building. But don’t worry, the lessons will begin soon.