I love fashion but I hate you.

the four people you meet at a thom browne sample sale

Image “courtesy” of StreetFSN.

I was fortunate enough to attend the thom browne sample sale that went down a week or so back.

First, may I say it was a true blue honest American sample sale. None of this communist “big-sale-pretending-to-be-a-sample-sale” nonsense. This was straight capitalism at it’s finest and worst. Managed to grab some swag, but before I could, I had to wait in an interminable line with the other riffraff. But while whiling away the time, I did manage to do some honest to God hatin’, and this is the fruit therein. Here are the four types of folks you’ll meet standing in a Thom Browne sample sale.

The Asian American. There were a lot of dudes of Asian decent. Hey, we’re small-boned, fuck you if you can’t handle it.  This category could be broken into sub-categories:

  • The well-heeled Asian American: This subtype looks and is rich, and can probably afford to Thom Browne at full price, but hey he’s Asian and we know our deals. To balance it, he is probably a lawyer or something and took his one personal day for the entire year to attend the sale.
  • The showroom Asian American: This is the dude who just graduated from college, and works part-time as a showroom worker and part-time in PR or some other industry that adds no value to the economy. He can be a bit pretentious, but man does he look dope.
The Japanese. You know the type. These are the dudes who are somewhat pudgy, maybe a little scruffy, but have some sick clothes and seem to know everyone despite having grown up 4500 miles away. They also seem to have unlimited funds, and probably are designers in their own right.

The Palefaces. Oh yea. I said it. These pale, skinny white guys are 1) either cage dancers over at The Bear, or  2) they’re engineering students with slight Asian fetishes and who frequent Reddit. You can tell they’ve only just discovered fashion after moving to NYC to attend Parson’s School of Aeronautical Engineering.

The Bargain Hunters. These guys are to sample sales as jugglers are to casting calls — they’ll show up just because this is what they do, no matter what is actually being offered. I saw a bunch of Orthodox Jews lining up to buy like 50 suits and shoes, and no way Hiram and Mordecai were going to be wearing that stuff over on Bedford Ave.

Bonus Archetype: The Magician. “Magicians” are those super “fashionable” dudes who wear crazy shit like Rick Owens cape/sweater/hats and $5000 Silent  tank tops. They have an appreciation for the finer (read: bizarre) things and are looking for those Thom Browne men’s skirts. Better watch out: they’ll cast Level 5 Spell of Fabulous on your ass.

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