I love fashion but I hate you.

Oh, hello there.

I didn’t see you come in. I was just doing the usual sorts of things, seeing to the garden, oiling my bicycle, brushing my wool coats, downloading iPhone apps, and I must have gotten caught up. You know how these things are.

I’m glad you’ve come. Actually I was expecting you, believe it or not. Have a seat. Oh, not there. Here. Indeed, it is a very fine ottoman. Ikea, you know. Holds equally well Wellingtons and Star Wars: The New Republic novels.

Take a look around. Let us get down to business soon, though. We are here to talk about the sorry state of style. Atrocious, I agree. You agree? Of course you do, why would you have come otherwise? I hope in the coming months and years that you and I will have many a deep conversations about the topic of style, and that I may impart my humble opinions on the matter. Certainly, I do not mean this to be a lecture, from on high sartorial pulpit. I expect, no impugn you to add to this dialogue. A trip alone is for business, a trip with company is a journey.

No, I didn’t just make up that last phrase. Fine, Google it. See if I care. Oh crumb.

Well, it is getting late and I suppose I should get back to my ship in a bottle building. But don’t worry, the lessons will begin soon.

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