PMG has been trying to find its roots for the last few months. And by “roots” I really mean root directories and other such computer mumbo jumbo. See, I had a good friend set up this whole blog thing for me, and since moving to NYC I’ve had to learn what the heck all this stuff was, including all the FTP stuff, database stuff, Google analytics, and even upgrading WordPress to the latest edition. I even had to learn how to use this computer more effectively (it’s not just a typewriter that also shows porn!)

Anyways, thanks for bearing with me, and I promise actual, God-honest content will soon be here.

There are three things people love to use: hookers, commas, and apostrophes. Not sure if this sentence needs a break? Let’s put a comma – no wait make that 5 commas. What about this sentence concerning the Ellis brothers and their ownership of the sawmill? Put an apostrophe after the ‘b’ in ‘brother’ and then two after ‘ownership’. What about this hooker? Just toss her in the river. And put an apostophe in her pocket.

Here’s a clear, fully illustrated guide to using an apostrophe. God knows the internet has enough text as it is.

Anyways, there was some kind of charity event at Inven.tory in SoHo last week called Save Fashion. A nice lady from Refinery 29 took a picture of us.

I never understood the whole “let’s have a fashion event for charity.” In the end, it just seems like a party. A fancy party with superficial people in fancy clothing. That seems almost insulting to whatever charitable group we’re trying to help.

“Hey let’s clothe these orphans by giving them coats!”
“No, I have a better idea. We’ll have a benefit that generates money for coats!”
“No, even better. We’ll have a PARTY in the guise of a benefit in which people may or may not buy anything with a small fraction of the proceeds going towards a fund which may or may not be used for buying coats.”

I went with no ambiguity. I was there for free beer.

More pics at refinery29

Have your own nebulous charity event.

I was in an ESL class the other day and the topic was on subject verb agreement.  An exercise question posed:

There is/are four bananas on the table.

Of course the answer is “are”, as the subject “four bananas” requires a plural verb.  The word “there” in this case, is not the subject.  I just learned that this form of a sentence, with the subject after the verb and starting with the word “there” is called an expletive construction. It’s not how English normally is, with the whole Subject-Verb-Object thing (“Jimmy three the ball”).  This kind of construction is much more Yoda-esque (“Thrown the ball was, young padawan Jimmy”).

Anyways, the lesson continued with conjunctions.  Again, a question:

There is/are two apples and bananas on the table.

The answer is again “are”, because of the number of apples AND because “and” is a conjunction joining the apples and bananas.  But then things got crazy.  A student asked what verb was to be used if there was, say, a single noun with a plural noun.  Specifically, what if the single noun was a non-countable, like “the water”.

You might get a sentence like “There are water and bananas on the table.”  Technically this is right, yes?  “Water” and “Banana” are being combined with the conjunction “and” and thus we have a plural, thus requiring a plural form of “be.”  Holy crap.  The ESL teachers and myself scratched our heads.  No native speaker would ever say this, but it made sense.

English is a crazy ass language.  Grammar especially.  Grammar rules aren’t like math rules – hard and immutable. Rather, they’re more like fashion rules, rules meant to guide and suggest and even to be broken on occasion. Language is fluid and ever-evolving, so it doesn’t make sense to have rigid rules. Instead, we should merely look for consistency where possible, applying the rules always for the sake of that which is often left at the wayside of language: clarity. Similarly, we should apply the rules of style to promote individuality, taste, originality, and sensibility.

Just so you know, you should never write “There are water and some bananas in the fridge.”  Rather, re-write that grammatical Frankenstein, avoiding the explicit construction altogether. The water and bananas are in the fridge.

Way more pics at Tattfoo’s site.  Check it.

I also am a big fan of Tatt’s boots. I think that hipsters like myself* are always in search of the authentic, and you don’t get more authentic than crazy-ass, eco-warrior boots. Tatt is an artist and a gardener, which I’m pretty sure makes him technically a Californian.

Yana and Tatt and puss and boots

*I’m no a hipster because I just said I’m a hipster. But if I’m not a hipster maybe I am. It’s all explained in the math.

The Look Book: James Danner

Posted to New York Magazine by jgreen on June 10, 2009

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My God.  look at him.  His hair is so floppy I think he might be part cocker spaniel.  And I like how he says he doesn’t want to be a hipster.  You’re already there buddy, and you didn’t even need a map.  At least we all know what his future is.  I hate how this kind of neo-preppy look is gaining traction over what is considered “style”. It’s all just a redux of Thurston Howell, III to me.

Actually I sort of take that back, well played, Mr. Howell, we’ll played.

It makes you wonder if the South Park creators aren’t actually followers of fashion after all.

Kinda makes me wish that I could select these characters like some kind of hip hop RPG.

>>Kanye West

Class: Mogul

Hit Points: 6 Million

Attributes: Protection from Criticism.  Does double damage against Gangsta Rappers.  Weak against sea creatures.

>>Fonzworth Bentley

Class: Fop

Hit Points: 50

Attributes: Bonus against Wackness.

Special Spells: Ludicrous Names, Firaga

>>That Vaguely Asian Guy (is that a toupee?)

Class: Long Duk Dong

Hit Points: Pi (Rounded to thousandth)

Attributes: Adding VAG to your party increases Accountancy +5, grants Rainbow Coalition bonus