I love fashion but I hate you.

springocolypse watch 2011: scarves and denim

I, for one, have thoroughly prepared for the coming Springocolypse. I’ve boarded up all my windows, filled my tub with sangria, and packed away enough nutella to weather the storm. It was the first time in a long time that it was appropriate to wear anything in my workwear-themed wardrobe, although, of course, I didn’t wear any workwear to do actual work (as that might scuff up my workboots and selvedge denim bib overalls), and instead did everything in just my old Raiders hoodie and some tattered BVDs.

Last week I talked about terrible monster known as short shorts as it emerged from it’s lonely cocoon, like some hairy, pasty Lovecraftian horror. But at least shorts are appropriate for warmer weather. For nothing is more confounding than that staple of warm weather douchery: the “spring scarf”. Nothing epitomizes the overdone fashion man’s eccentricity than trying to keep his neck warm in 85 degree heat. He’s just one down jacket away from homeless man.

Ah, so you've discovered the "hovering" thing?

The above image comes from Esquire, under an article “Spring Trends for Men, According to Women”. This just goes to show Esquire’s keen understanding of the male psyche: men ultimately want to listen to, and dress under the advice of, women. Next month’s Esquire will undoubtedly be themed “Minivans: Yes!”

Speaking of men’s magazines trying to stay relevant, GQ has their recommendations for the best jeans for spring. Just more evidence of the coming spring aka She Beast of the Solstice. GQ has twenty-some denim recommendations, but they can be boiled down to these two guiding points:

  • make sure they’re skinny
  • be sure you yourself are skinny

The best thing about the piece was seeing the model start to run out of poses.

That's a lot of poses

For these shots, the guy got paid more than you and I make all month.

And while this pictorial was pretty run-of-the-mill, there was one glaring irregularity:

You forgot this blog is also about grammar, didn't you?

You’re never too skinny for good grammar.

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